A Cold That Stings
by Emerald Flashes
Summary: He hasn't watched the snowflakes since she died. For the LightClan monthly writing contest.


**A/N: This is for the LightClan Monthly Writing Contest, the theme was snowflakes. Hope you enjoy!**

Snowflakes.

To, Rushstar, leader of FrostClan, the thought of snowflakes is both painful and comforting. They are peaceful memories of leaf-bare nights, but also harsh reminders of bitter winters and broken dreams.

Rushstar's yellow eyes, that have seen pain and joy, grief and fear, are clouded now as he watches the snowflakes.

He is too young to be a leader, some cats would say, they would say that he is too inexperienced, too headstrong. But if they saw him now, sitting so still, watching the gentle snowflakes fall, they would not see him as inexperienced.

They would see the burden placed upon his thin shoulders, see how deeply he cares for his Clan and how much he fears making the wrong decisions.

They would see a cat, wise beyond his moons. A cat who has given too much and received too little.

But tonight, Rushstar is not thinking about that. Tonight, he is remembering a different moon-high, a long time ago, with a snowy leaf-bare much like this one...

* * *

><p>"Sunkit! Sorrelkit! Wait for me!"<p>

Sunkit and Sorrelkit had already settled in at StarClan's Clearing when Rushkit and his father arrived. Rushkit tumbled off Grassfoot's shoulders and raced across the clearing to his littermates.

Sorrelkit stuck her tongue out at him as he sat down beside them, but he ignored her, waiting eagerly for the snowflakes to fall.

And fall they did, so lightly, so gently upon the ground, lit by the delicate, silver light of the moon.

As the white flakes floated through the air, all three kits gave the exact same sigh of joy as their father stood by, amusement twitching his whiskers.

"Beautiful." Sunkit breathed, blue eyes bright with wonder.

And they were beautiful, but soon, lured by the darkness and the sense of comfort the snowflakes brought, the kits began to drop off to sleep. Sorrelkit made a valiant effort, but her eyes betrayed her, drooping closed.

Rushkit's last memory was of gently being carried back to camp on Grassfoot's shoulders, amidst the swirling snow...

* * *

><p>As the memory faded, Rushstar sat, lost in thought, watching silent snowflakes on a very different moon-high. He didn't hear the thudding pawsteps of another cat approaching, didn't have time to pull up his regal air of a leader.<p>

But it was simply his littermate, drawn out by the cold night and white flakes as well.

"Oh, Sunfeather, its just you. Did you need something?"

His brother's golden pelt shone dimly in the light of the moon. "The company of my littermate."

Rushstar let his tensed shoulders fall. "I'm here."

"Are you? You've been a shadow recently, everywhere but never _really_ there for more than a few pawsteps."

Rushstar turned a little too sharply, mewed a little too harshly.

"I am leading my Clan, Sunfeather, I must be everywhere."

The silence stretched on and Sunfeather didn't move his aimless gaze from the twirling snowflakes as he finally mewed, "You haven't been the same since she died."

Rushstar went as still as the stars.

On the outside, he was fighting not to show any emotion, but on the inside, his heart was breaking from too much pressure, too much grief and the strain of being leader, of not letting anything slip, was finally beginning to crack him.

Because the truth was, he hadn't been the same since Sorreltail had died. He was hurting, but Clan leaders aren't supposed to hurt, aren't supposed to feel pain, just get up and move on. But you don't just move on from Sorreltail.

You don't just move on from a littermate.

"It wasn't supposed to hurt this long." Rushstar mewed, quietly. "Doesn't it ever... stop?"

Rushstar had been born first, but it was Sunfeather who had the wisdom of the stars in his paws and it was Sunfeather who turned his blue eyes up towards Silverpelt and meowed softly, "No. Not this time."

Rushstar's eyes were full of pain and held-back grief.

"It was useless, anyway. The battle, all the wounds, all the hurt. All the death. None of it meant anything. We are no closer to matching IceClan and getting our land back then we were when Stonestar was leader. Sometimes I wonder why we even bother. Their claws will always be sharper, their territory better defended. Why shouldn't we just give up?" Rushstar's mew trembled.

"Sorreltail wouldn't have wanted-"

"Sorreltail is dead! And she died for nothing, just like all the other cats who have fought and died in these meaningless battles, battles that gain us nothing and cost us everything! Tell me, Sunfeather, was it worth it?! Was losing Sorreltail worth it?! Answer me!"

Rushstar was on his paws, tail lashing, eyes sparking with rage and grief. His brother sat quietly, tail wrapped around his paws. His mew was calming, like a gentle wind after a storm.

"We are warriors. Battle is part of our life and Sorreltail knew what she was doing. It would be a disgrace to her if we gave up now. For her, I will fight until we have our land, free of IceClan control."

The snowflakes spun around them and the wind howled ominously but neither cat cared. The unspoken message passed from littermate to littermate and Rushstar's whiskers twitched, his anger gone as suddenly as it had came.

Rushstar sat down heavily beside Sunfeather and the medicine cat and leader were silent, as the snowflakes plummeted to the ground just as they had all those moons ago.

"Are they still beautiful?" Sunfeather asked, the hint of longing hidden in his mew.

"They are." Rushstar replied quietly.

Sunfeather's blue eyes stared blankly at the snowflakes he could not see, but he purred just the same. "She would've loved tonight, then."

"That she would've." Rushstar agreed, melancholy, but at peace.

They sat in silence then, the strong leader and the blind medicine cat, and neither one of them thought of moving.

Snowflakes can be both gentle and cruel, like the leaf-bares they bring, and this moon-high, Rushstar has seen and Sunfeather has felt both sides.

But it wasn't until Sunfeather asked, that Rushstar saw the true side of the snowflakes.

_Beautiful. _


End file.
